There are times in our life when we think "Just gotta get through this day or this week" OR "Once I finish this, it'll be okay". As we realistically look at life we know it is not perfect and that we are going to have "survivor mode" moments, days, and weeks. However, if we're not careful, it can become more about choice than reality.
We can get into chronic, repetitive "survivor mode" in the following ways:
1) always seeing our self as a victim
2) always taking on new projects before finishing old ones
3) living beyond our means
4) not being happy or satisfied with what we have or who we have
So how do we get out of these modes?
1) We choose to be victims
Even if what happens to you is not your fault, how long you choose to be the victim is up to you and how you deal with being a victim is up to you.
I have known people who always seem to think the sky is falling, nothing is fair, and they're a victim. Then there's the victims who are always angry. Fault finding, blaming, narrowed perspective, or always right. They're a different kind of victim because they "remove themselves" from the bad stuff.
Fixing it-
#1- Accept it
#2- If you feel that you're always a victim-- choose not to be. Yes, maybe something bad has happened to you-- but if you're alive to talk about it, either use that experience to help others, or learn from it yourself and move forward with your life. You can't go back, but you can go backwards. Don't go backwards.
#3- If you're angry and a fault finder-- STOP! Think about what you just said. If you feel bad about it later or rehearse it in your mind and think "I should have said this" than simply make yourself say NOTHING next time a similar situation comes up or apologize if what you said was "too much" for the situation. Own it.
#4- If you find fault with others then either don't talk to that person or avoid subjects that cause contention. If it's a politician or someone you're not emotionally connected to-- be politically active and vote or testify, or support actual events or efforts, but don't let it consume your life unless it is part of your job. Even then-- limit it by the priorities in your life-- like your family time.
#5- If you are sad all the time, make a list of things that make you sad and things that make you happy and share them with the loved ones in your life. LET OTHERS HELP.
#2- Assess why you are in "survivor mode"
I just did this for myself because I had a survivor week. It ended yesterday with me getting two hours of sleep before going to work. I tried to prioritize things by each day. I will do this on this day and this on this day, etc. The problem is-- there weren't enough days to accomplish everything. There can be too many "good" things to do. It's sad but true.
Fixing it-
#1- Learn to say "no"
#2- Have someone else in your life who will say no for you
#3- DELEGATE when possible
#4- Use a calendar (which I do) but do NOT allow something on every day. Make sure you have one week day that is BLANK. If you don't it can throw the whole week off by having one unplanned event (like my friend's dad dying and my secretary rolling her car).
#3- Assess your payback
If you are doing things that are not making you feel appreciated or moving you forward or supporting your family and or life goals-- you need to reassess those things.
#4- If you take a day off-- really take it off. Don't allow yourself to get out of your pj's if possible.
#5- Good friends.
People make the world worth living in. They are your support system. Have a couple of friends that you can do something with once a month. For guys it might be fishing or hunting or playing X-box or playing basketball. For girls it might be going to a movie or going shopping or out to eat or to a concert or play or kayaking down the river (which I recently discussed with a friend). When you're young (pre-40's) you can get carried away with the friend thing and when you're older you can forget about your friends and be so caught up in this wonderful family that you've grown that you forget about your friends and even neglect them. They feel a part of your soul and who you are. They reaffirm you as a person. You need friends. Maybe you just go for a 30 minute walk with them or sit down and have a heart to heart over a load of laundry. Even that counts. They fill our cup.
#6- Live within your means
Save
Be patient
Don't buy very much on credit (house, car, maybe one credit card if that)
DO A MONTHLY BUDGET TOGETHER
#7- Be happy.
Being happy really is a choice. While other people can try to make us happy-- it's up to us to be happy. If the grass on the other side of the fence always looks greener, maybe you should take care of your own grass better. As far as marriage goes, a wise man once told me that if I took care of my marriage-- my kids would be happy. Now don't be all "oh, sure a MAN told you". He told my hubby the same thing. And the man who told us has such a great and loving relationship with his wife of 50+ years that I believe him. :)
After you crash
First and foremost-- be thankful you survived it. Learn from it. Talk to someone significant in your life about what you should NOT have done and ask them to help you not do it again. Make sure someone else sees your calendar too and knows what's on it. Pretty hard for them to keep you from crashing if they don't know what's on your plate. And, if you're a dominant, strong personality-- remind them that a "loving" forcefulness is a more effective approach than a bossy one. Jason used to be my crash-stopper. He was gentle but firm. My husband is more of a "I told you not to do it" or "No, you're not". My daughter just quietly helps and does the things she knows I will stress with. My eldest gets stressed by me or anyone else being stressed, but he will just "show up" and not say anything. Just visit or something (like today). He always thanks me and we talk often. They all are compassionate, caring people and I am so blessed by that. I suppose that's why it's even more of a shame when I let myself burn out.
Now by burn out I don't mean get me to the doctor or the therapist-- I simply mean a busy week-- too little sleep and too much on my plate. A typical type A American career woman. So I want to learn from this, but not make a mountain out of it. I think that's pretty normal in many people's lives. If we make too much out of it--we're playing the victim. If we don't assess it, share it, and learn from it, we will repeat it.
I feel better already just talking about it. Sunday I'm going to sit down and do my calendar with my husband and circle a "no" night for each week (and it can't be Sunday). I am also going to delegate more at work and make sure I plan some fun adult things (like going to see Wicked) and not just work things. Lastly though...
#7- Don't' overplan.
A calendar is a necessary evil and life requires planning, but if we see our life lacks wiggle room and moments for spontaneity, we need to pray, meditate, and discuss ways to make our lives a little more livable.
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