Limbo Days

It's a bit weird when you're waiting for a funeral for closure. You feel like you're going through the daily motions like you're supposed to, but you feel reluctant to allow yourself to think too far ahead or to pay attention enough to the normalties of life to laugh and carry on. Seems wrong. It's like you're on hold. I have a friend whose dad died (she's older, like me) and her mom cremated him and put the ashes on the family fireplace mantle, but they never had a ceremony. If I feel like I'm in limbo mode because I had to wait almost two weeks because of services in two states, I can't imagine what she is feeling since it's been two months. I think it's definitely necessary to have some type of ceremony to find closure.

At any rate, we are nearing the time for the services and I ran the obit yesterday, printed memorial service programs yesterday, scanning pics for the picture video tonight, and picking up my two step-brothers tomorrow. It's a heavy kind of work and I am tired, but I know that once everyone gets together we will find healing and closure together.... like we should. I also know that the step-brothers had an even heavier load dealing with the funeral home, legal stuff, and the services there. That's way more than we've had to do here and they just have the two of them down there.

Divorce creates these unknown valleys that we all journey through at different times and in different ways. I am thankful that I reconnected with him after I became an adult and learned to love him again and look past the mistakes of his youth just as I hope others will look past the mistakes of my youth. I am thankful that I took time to travel across the states and visit him there with his wife and my half-brothers. They were all very kind and loving to me and my family. I am thankful my children had that opportunity to get to know him and form their own opinions. I am thankful I flew back on my own and spent a week with them before his wife died. I am thankful I remember him as someone who always had this huge grin and could talk to anyone. He didn't know a stranger. He loved the Elvis shows and got a kick out of taking us to one. He loved visiting people and did a lot in his church. He loved his ice cream. He didn't know a stranger.

Andy said that any time he or Ben (his brother) go outside "Pops" house people stop because he talked to everyone who passed by on the street. I am thankful I know what the inside of his house looks like and his church. I'm thankful I can picture him by his garage or on his sidewalk, because I've been there. I'm thankful I took the time to know him and love him again. I still regret I didn't call more often and that he didn't make it to his 55th Class Reunion that happens in two months. But I am glad that through his death we are all talking about forgiveness and getting to know each other better.

I have one more day of going to work and going through the motions (limbo) and then I can begin the process of closure. Coming together as a family to remember and to heal and to grow. I am thankful for my own family and the knowledge they have that families are eternal.