Hair Bows and Popcorn

Picture me sitting on the bench, coaching, with a hairbow or flower in my hair... Can you picture it? If you can.... you obviously don't know me! If you knew me, you'd either been scrunching up your eyebrows or laughing. Last night I stayed and watched the home volleyball game and a lot of the young coaches had either bows or flower clips in their hair. I'd just feel awkward. Works for them I suppose, but me.... never.

A Labaro that doesn't dive--- pointless! Saw it.

After the game, went to a meeting. After the meeting, went home and picked up the daughter. Went to the 10pm movie got out about 12:30. Watched The Help. Good movie! Woke up at 5:30 this morning. P/T Conferences so wanted to get there early and make sure all my grades are in. AFter school, had dinner, then conferences. Only seven parents came. Never had that before. Very sad. How do you only have 7 parents when you teach almost 160?

Now I'm headed to bed.

Family Council, Fast Food Fury, and Hot Flashes

Well Sunday we had our family council and all the kids came for dinner and the council. We planned out the holidays and all I can say is that we have some fun holidays ahead of us. I am so thankful for family and the opportunities that we have to meet often, counsel together, and help each other. Looking forward to corn mazes, gleaning potatoes, family pics, Boo at the Zoo, Thanksgiving at Jer's, and a special Christmas family program. I look forward to the joy our children bring to us each and every day too. :)

So that's a cheery thought. Let's reflect on the less cheery thoughts. McD as in "D" for service. I order $5.99 worth of stuff. Pull up to window. "That will be $11.04." "My order was $5.99." "Oh, sorry. I'll change it." I give her my card. Get a receipt which I don't look at because we have just clarified the amount. They start handing me a big bag of food. "Um, this isn't my food. I had a yogurt parfait and the Happy Meal." "Oh, let me go have her fix it." She leaves. Comes back. Could you pull up to that hot spot in the sun since I see you have the truck today with no A/C and two small children in the back?" Oh.... sure!!! She did'nt say the last part, but that's what it was. We wait another five minutes and cars go through. I'm literally melting not sure if it's just the unusually warm temperatures, or my patience running out, or my menopausal hot flashes.... or all of the above. I pull around the building out of the sun. It's now been almost 15 minutes. So much for a quick stop! She finally comes huffing and puffing around the corner with my little bag of food. I get out and go to get it. She hands me several papers and with attitude says, "Here's your food. You'll have to sign this." Like it's my fault! REally? I don't think so! Do not make me go Menopausal. Oh...too late! "Actually, I would just like my money back. You can keep the food." She looks shocked. She jerks the bag away and says, "Well, I'll have to go in and redo the receipt again." "I guess you will." I follow her in. And wait.... and wait... and wait. Finally the girl who waited on me at the second window came over. "You still haven't got your food?" "Yes, but she was rude and I just asked for my money back." "You need to talk to our manager." She leaves and talks to a guy at the window. He nods, but keeps making drinks and doesn't even look my way. I'm beginning to see a pattern. He finally comes over. "Can I help you?" It's now been almost 20 mintues. "Yeah, I'd just like my card back." "Well she had to redo your receipt." "Yeah, because she screwed it up the first time then came out after we waited in the sun, not to say 'I'm sorry" but to act irritated because I moved out of the sun." He could care less. "well she has to run it through again." "No she doesn't! Just give me my stinkin' card! You can keep the money!" He gets it. Doesn't apologize and goes back to waiting on customers. REally! Never, ever going there again and definitely penning a letter to corporate.

Then it was off to the doctor's office. Needless to say, my blood pressure was a little higher than normal. I ran into one of Mandy's old high school buddies. She weighed me (Oh joy!) and took my stats. We chatted for a while in the room and it was really good to talk to her. The doctor told me my strep test was negative and that what I had would run it's course but recommended physical therapy for my strained back. Yeah. No! Been there. Done that. I am glad I got to talk to Stephanie though.

Tonight when I came home I was greeted by Mr. Incredible. No, not my husband (calm down sweetie). Rellie is practicing dressing up for Halloween. I predict I will be greeted by Spiderman tomorrow. Then we all headed in to Wal-mart to rescue Mandy's lost wallet and get some things for my room. When we got home Rellie helped me make pumpkin cupcakes and a bundt cake for FHE. Mandy gave a fun lesson and afterwards we finished decorating the porch for Halloween. Kayson loved the cupcake his brother made for him. He's such a cutie.... but he is not sleeping attached to my side tonight. :) Stayed up late grading papers (with the help of the hubby). Got to school and PowerSchool was having issues. Couldn't enter grades. Kinda indicative of my weeks lately! Oh well, it's done, so I am going to be early tonight. Last night Mandy and I went for a stroller walk with the boys. It was so beautiful out-- a warm summer night. I love Octoberish.

Mood swing>
I can't tell if I get grouchy because I'm not getting sleep or I'm just plain menopausal. It's weird. Someone will tell me something and I'll think, "Gee, that's terrible or that's really sad-- I should feel bad or cry or something-- but I don't." Or I'll snap at someone and it's like an out of body experience. "Man, did I just say that? That was harsh." One of my friends said that she had the same type of out of body experiences when she was menopausal too. She said it was like being possessed. As long as my head doesn't do a 360 I'm sure I'll be fine.... some day. Until then-- apologies for any odd, abrupt snapping, or unusual insensitive behavior. This too shall pass. And I have good days too, so just ask me what kind of day it is and I'm pretty sure I'll tell you. :)

I'm going to bed now in hopes that getting more sleep will take the edge off of my menopause. :)

My sunshine

Finding rays of sun along the way.
Making pie of mud or clay.
holding on to what is dear
loving all that's home and near

letting go of fears and doubt
sitting down and breathing out
getting fat and trying to stop
sucking on my tootsie-pop

life goes on and so do I
one day I laugh, one day I cry
menopause is such a pain
oh wow! it looks like rain

Focus on the Positive

Sometimes when there are so many negative things that hit us at once, we have to reach out and grab the little bits of positive sunshine that we can find. Sometimes we may even have to create some sunshine in our life. Maybe we forget that we can do that.

We can also focus so much of our time and energy on dealing with the negative things that we suck the happiness right out of us. If that happens, we need to evaluate where all of our time and energy is going. If the result is not happiness or at least gratitude-- it's time to give more of our time toward happier pursuits. The pursuit of happiness is our life goal. Pursuit is an action word that requires action. Happiness sometimes falls in our lap, but many times is self made or at least has to be self acknowledged. To find happiness in nature you have to actually get out there and enjoy nature. Yes, smell the roses, but even more than that. Go for a walk, go camping, or just look at the changing colors around you to and from work. Enjoy your work. Enjoy people at work. Plan fun things or time for things you like to do-- like for me it might just be a cup of hot chocolate and a puzzle.

Don't overschedule. My biggest problem. Plan fun things, but not to the point you don't have any time to relax. Oddly, watching my students play a sport is very relaxing for me and is a "self" treat. It takes me back to watching my children when they were in school. It also makes me a better teacher because they see me in a different way and I see them in a different way outside of the classroom.

Balance is the key. It's hard to do, but it's doable. All work and no play makes us all dull boys and who wants to be a boy.... not me. Okay, it's late (or early) and I am rambling now. So much on my mind. I am headed to have a cup of hot chocolate and start my day out looking for some much needed sunshine. I wish sunshine upon my children's days as well.

you say goodbye and I say hello

Friday was such a day. Saying goodbye to my husband's sister who died tragically young. Welcoming back my baby brother from Iraq. But not being able to do so because of the funeral. The funeral. Emotional in so many ways. It is always tough when two families, remarried, share the grief of one child. It's even tougher if the walls still exist. I kept thinking about my dad's funeral and how it brought all of his children from his marriages together. How it helped us all heal and made us all closer. How the X-wives finally found forgiveness and both came to the service. It made all of us heal. What he couldn't do in life-- he did in death. And it was a gift that will last us forever. How I hoped it would do the same this week. Maybe it still will later. Just made it harder.

Still, I am proud of my family for the spirtiual strength they provided to both me and everyone else during this tough time. From the prayers to the talk to the grave dedication my heart was full. I am so blessed to have children and a husband who know there is a God. Who know there is joy in life and hope in death. I am so blessed to have a husband and children who willingly serve and help others. I could have been more forgiving myself of the pettiness. Despite that, it was a nice tribute to Gidget, and her family and friends will miss her physical presence in their life. She laughed hard, lived hard, and loved hard. She truly soaked up every inch of life. Thus her favorite song-- "Soak up the Sun" by Sheryl Crow.

Speaking of the sun... our days of summer are waning. I saw my first row of trees changing colors today. Fall is on our doorstep. As we were over at the auntie's garden today I noticed the cornstalks are dry (of the ones we have already harvested) and the leaves are dying off the pumpkins that are already orange. The grapes were loaded too, so we picked some fresh grapes. As I was picking grapes with the husband I remembered why I loved the farm so much. I am a farm girl at heart. I would be content to live there the rest of my life. I so hope our house in Shelley sells so we can pick up a house with some land. There is just something about planting and growing and harvesting that I love and enjoy so much.

Tomorrow we're taking some of our produce to Payette as we visit my brother. We sent some of the grapes home with Jas and Anne tonight when they picked up baby Maddi. Earlier we had Bry Bry and Tucker over visiting REllie. Now, the house is quiet again and I'm going to go to bed early for the 3rd night in a row. I'm looking forward to Sunday.

strange

Such a strange week. Won't share all the strangeness, but I am thankful for the perspective I have on life, death, and selflessness. I am thankful that my children know I love them and that they love me. I am thankful my eternal sweetheart knows I love him and that he will always love and take care of me. I am thankful for parents who bettered their life and constantly focus on helping others-- being selfless. I am thankful for a brother who will be home any day now after his selfless service in Iraq. I am thankful for my amazing grandchildren. Jewels in my crown and my heart.

I am happy that my life is not centered around and controlled by the next drink, drug, or cigarette. I am happy I looked down a different path and opened a different door. I am happy that door has lead me here because of my choices. I am disturbed by people who constantly bash, yet beg, and put down, yet request. And so the cycle that began with time, continues. The believers and non-believers. And victory is in the grave. Truth is in the living. Pleasure is in the moment. Happiness is in the lifetime.

long weeks and short patience-- a natural marriage

My daughter-in-law is still recovering from the lightening birth of their latest child. Got a little anemic from the loss of blood then got the flu that seems to be going around. My prayers go out to her. She needs to feel better and enjoy her new little angel. Mandy brought little Maddi home for a while today so Anne could rest some. It was fun having her. She has so much personality.

Bry Bry is sick too. Got the same flu his brother had. Fever and headache. No fun. In a big family it's like a domino effect. Hope it doesn't recycle! He will be in my prayers too.

It has been nice having my daughter here all the time. She is a little OCD on some things. She has reorganized our pantry, alphabetized our movies, and made us get rid of stuff. It's also been nice to come home to supper. Thank you banana. I love your company and seeing the boys grow so fast every day. We watched home videos tonight and she now sees that Kayson comes by his baby build honestly-- his mommy was a chunky monkey too. A cute chunky monkey. And spoiled (as the boys will tell you over and over). :D The hair styles were something else in the videos too. Mullets, big hair, and feathered long. And that's just the guys!!! Too funny. What great memories though.

It's been a long week. In addition to losing his sister, Greg found out tonight that an uncle passed away tonight as well. He is feeling the stress. My daughter told me I need to be more patient with him. She's right. It's been a hard week for him and his family. It's funny how we all handle, or don't handle things.

It's weird some of the things you see on facebook. The term "dirty laundry" comes to mind. Every wonder why they call it airing your "dirty laundry"? Well, back in the day, everyone hung their laundry on the clothesline or drying racks. They didn't have dryers. It was a disgrace to hang laundry that still appeared dirty-- especially undies.... ewww. People don't want to see your underwear at all people. Keep your very private stuff to yourself. You have something "dirty laundry quality" a.k.a. very private or intimate, keep it to yourself. P-lease. I hate it when very private intimate conversations are posted-- Pick up the phone and call them or have some tact and maturity and just "message" them privately.

It's unfortunate too when people add to the stress by the way they handle things. Sigh. Funerals are stressful enough!

So on that cheery note... I'm going to go to bed and thank my Heavenly Father for blessing me with a strong husband, the best children, the cutest grandchildren, and all the necessities of life. Despite the turmoil of a difficult week, I feel loved, blessed, and sure of my testimony. I fall short of perfection in so many ways. I just need to remember that and practice more patience. When the hotflashes hit and the midlife hormones pop a cork, I will count to 10 and find some chocolate. I'll let you know how that goes.

Life changes in a matter of seconds

If I ever think things are tough, I am reminded by the trials of others that I really have it pretty good. So many mixed emotions today. My brother hit land in the U.S. Yeah! I am relieved and happy. That happiness is overshadowed by my husband's shocking news his morning-- his sister had an aneurysm and has been declared legally dead. They take off life support in the morning. Kayla, her daughter wanted to spend one last night with her. Just like that-- she is gone. It has caused me to reflect a lot. I have a funny way of dealing with certain things. It's harder when the husband/best friend is gone. He has to be though. It's his sister.

He left this morning and his brother went with him. I could tell he was just going through the motions (denial). I'm glad he's there surrounded by family and helping his parents and brothers and sisters. He really is a rock. I know he has been mine for many years.

So tonight, for therapy, I did what I normally do. Avoid sitting. I cleaned. I cooked. I did laundry. I made 14 jars of jam. I played with kids. I found pictures of his sister and posted them for family. It's hard to know what to do. It's just so unexpected. As I was making jam I put on Gma Shorty's apron and Rellie came in and wanted to help, so we put Gma Tucker's apron on him. He was quite the sugar scooper, but I'm afraid we might be invaded by sugar ants in the morning because I'm not sure I got it all off the floor. :D He is at the "why" stage so I had to explain every single step about the jam making process and the utensils I use. It helped keep my mind occupied.

I also thought about how life goes on. Someone close to us and still quite young has just died and yet there I was making jam. At first, I thought, "that's sad." But then I thought, "No... that's right.... life goes on." It doesn't stop. It can't stop. That's not what life is about. It's about generations of memories. We're making memories every day. Like making jam with Rellie. Yes, we'll stop and pause. Yes we'll cry and grieve. And yes, we will go on. Life goes on and that is a beautiful thing. I would not want it to stop for me.

I'm not saying we shouldn't be sad or stop and mourn. Of course we will be sad. Of course we'll mourn. But in my process of making jam to sort through my thoughts of a young girl who happened in to my life 30 years ago because I loved her brother, I realized that we waste too many precious moments taking too many people for granted. We get caught up in dramas and materialism and ourselves and then we get reality checks. I love the simple things in my life. I don't need to make mountains out of mole hills. I don't need to always sweat the small stuff. I know I still will at times, but honestly.... I enjoyed making jam with Rellie tonight. Simple. Unplanned. Priceless. Gidget would like that we made jam in the grandma aprons. She lived hard and loved hard. She squeezed the moments and she's where she has always been-- in my heart.

What is Labor Day without Laboring

I haven't posted for a week. It's just been a very busy week. School, helping people move, garden, baby coming home. It's just been crazy busy. School is going fine. A lot of wasted teaching time the first week with schedule changes, assemblies, rule reading, testing, and to top it off the bells and intercom system didn't work... at all... all week. And the A/C sprung a leak in the ceiling right by my door so between 2-3pm every day the dripping would start and my trash can would become the bucket. Worked the first two weeks without a contract. They're just swamped with getting all of them approved by the micromanaging state as well. More paperwork. More little "housekeeping" things to learn in a new school. Overall though, things have been going fine at school and my body has adjusted to getting up early in the morning to be on the road by 6:30.

Baby Abbi has been a good baby since she finally got home. She sleeps a lot and doesn't wake up nearly as much as her sister Maddi did. Anne has been struggling with getting better, so it's good that Abbi is such a good baby. Anne's mom has been here for two weeks and what a blessing to have her here to help so much. She went home yesterday. She is a wonderful, caring lady and it's too bad they don't live closer. She had lots of Grandma time with Maddi and mom time with her daughter. She also enjoyed lots of our corn and tomatoes and cucumbers. She helped Anne freeze corn and I got to taste some of her yummy zuchinni bread.

The garden at the auntie's continues to be a blessing. They look forward to our little visits and the produce has been shared with so many families (including those who live by the auntie's). We shared with the physical therapist that visits them, the mail lady, neighbors, and random people walking the street when we are their gleaning or weeding or watering. One family came and got the leaves on the corn stalks to do tamales. It feels good to share the harvest. I can tell Greg loves the "farming" feeling he gets from it. He misses farming. He loves his job though and I can tell he enjoyed supervising the first home football game. They have a QB that is ranked one of the top in the U.S.

Another blessing in our life has been the time we have been spending with our daughter and her sons. Mandy and I took Rellie to see Kung Fu Panda II at the cheap theater. Mandy about killed me driving home (crazy driver!) but we all survived (j/k) love you banana. Chubby (Kayson) is my new weight lifting program, but my back has been bothering me, so Papa has been holding him a lot more. We took them to the zoo today and Maddi Anne came with us as well. The zoo just never gets old. The kids loved it and the weather was nice. Taking them to church Sunday was entertaining as well. Kayson "owned" papa on the pew several times. He's not used to wrestling children so much anymore. By third block he was back with mom and papa had retreated to the old man's class. Rellie doesn't understand why he can't just jump up and stand by grandma during primary sharing time and he is definitely A.D.D. but he fits right in with that class. Those ladies have their hands full. Bless them!

Mandy and I also went to the Thursday night auction for a girls night out and came home with a pickup load. I don't think we'll be allowed to go next week. Maybe just a movie at the cheap theater. :D Thank you sweetie for watching the boys. We did get some awesome deals though. Found a few good things yard-saling Saturday, but not as good as normal. The office chair for Stacy for 5 bucks was probably the best deal. It was nice.

My brother is coming home from Iraq. He is on the plane somewhere. We don't know where. We just get bits and pieces and limited info. Normal for the military. We will know as soon as he hits ground in the U.S. which should be any day this week we believe. It'll be a couple weeks debriefing, then he'll be home. We miss him so much. Poor Jackie is beside herself. I remember that year without the hubby. LONG! And I got to see him most weekends. Can't imagine not even seeing him on the weekend. Oh and BSU won their first game! Go Big Blue!

Today we got bedrooms reorganized and so much stuff sorted. We still have more to do and I'm afraid I won't get my jam done before my berries spoil. So much to do. Cupcakes for student birthdays (to make in the morning) and flowers to pick for bookmarks (poetry unit project). I'm glad it's a short work week. Didn't have enough time to labor this labor day!