I'm not really a slacker, I've just been very busy. Too busy. Trying to fiend off the inevitable cold that I get every time I know I'm going to get any type of vacation or break. I feel it coming. Basketball, research paper unit (gee... I wonder what I'll be doing over the break) holidays coming, church stuff, and missing my Parma friends. Missing my cousins. Wishing I was rich and I could just jump on a plane and go see Susie this weekend, or Mary next weekend, or Janet, or Italy. No... I am not having a mid-life crisis. I'm just realizing how much I miss what I used to have. Okay, well I never really had Italy, but I want it.
I love what I have too. Don't get me wrong. I just get cabin fever the minute the snow starts to fly. My brain goes to warmer places and thoughts and I become delusional until spring breaks. Then, I will be looking at houses because I am picking a different one. I am also going to Italy. Already planned. The daughter is having a baby and it's another boy... (laughing, laughing.... still laughing). Grey hairs right back at ya! Love you banana!
Basketball is good. I have a good group of girls. I will love them. I always do. Okay, so there's been one or two in the past, that have not hit the love meter, but very, very few. This group.... easy to love. 2-0 but Friday's a real test. One of the top teams if not the top. We'll see what we've got. Or not. Love coaching. Loving the journey so far. Trying to love myself more. Some days it's hard. Some days I'd just like to be simple, low key, and normal. Then I open my mouth. I have a gypsy heart and a 60's warped upbringing. What can you expect.
Some days I want to go swimming at night in the warm lake or when it's raining so I can listen to the sound the water makes from underneath. Some days I wish for simpler days when I slept on a mattress outside under the big oak tree in grandma's yard. Some nights when I've had a hard day, Grandma Tucker still comes to me in my dreams, even all these years later and often she just sits and lets me take care of her, but sometimes she talks to me. And I know what I need to do. I miss her. I will never not miss her.
Some days I just want to have all three of my children lay in bed with me and watch an old episode of He-man. Weird. I know. I guess I think it'll make them little again. I already survived those years. More importantly.... they survived them, and I don't want to go back, but sometimes life speeds by and I just miss them. Like I know my mom misses me. Love you mom.
Mom was/is not perfect. She too was cursed/blessed with a gypsy heart and 60's mouth. She definitely made our life colorful and one-of-a-kind. Being poor at times made me/us stronger, more resilient, more appreciative when we weren't poor. Being raised through trials made us more compassionate and stronger in the end. Thank you mom for teaching me it's okay to dance on the tables, shout at the mountains (or anything else that gets in your way), and accept all people from all walks of life. No, you're not perfect. Neither am I. I love you. You love me. We know that.
I have been thinking about God a lot lately. Is God a presence, a force, a religion, a hope, a form of intelligence? If we really believe in God, do we use or call upon those powers or do we just hope they are going to come our way? I suspect it's much like our brain. I suspect we would be overpowered by his power if we used a millionth of his presence in our lives or experienced a millionth of his power. For we either believe or we don't. It's that simple. Then there's Jesus Christ and Christianity. I tire of people who profess (from various religious groups--mine included) to be Christlike yet behave in the contrary. We have to be careful that we do not "assume" grace, that we do not fall short of hallelujah in our zeal for the news of the gospel, and that we do not offend in the name of Christ. As the season draws near, I hope we think less of religious lines and more of Christlike aspirations and lasting commitments to humanity and our families. Hope is a message that never tires and eternity is but a glimmer upon God's horizon.
And now back to the moment. The simple moments of life are those we live each day. They are diamonds given to us each morning as we awake. Sometimes we throw those diamonds away or selfishly and unwisely barter them away for less precious jewels. Italy is a grand thought... and I will go there. But I know that tomorrow, there will also be a memory or moment of happiness created that will be a part of my life forever. I know that every day holds that same opportunity and promise. Dandelion necklaces, mud pies, and tire swings just come in different ways now.
No comments:
Post a Comment